Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
