I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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