I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
