so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
