That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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