How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
