Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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