I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
