i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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