They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it penis luge time yet?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
