You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
