Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
