Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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