You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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