yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.