sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dating After Heartbreak
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.