I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
