I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
