Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
