Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
