So drunk its hurt
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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