My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
