My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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