Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My feet surprised me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
