So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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