So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
