you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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