Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize