i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
