I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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