I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
