ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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