What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
