honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize