why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
pray to the hookup gods
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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