just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
