the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
