guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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