I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
