What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
