everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
