Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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