You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
