meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
