I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
