Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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