I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize