I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
