So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
