According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I said "one day" and that day is not today