I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.