i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.