it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!