Texts From Last Night

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  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

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  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (953) Bad night (4967)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling

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  (617): i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling http://tfl.nu/51p6
  Replies (17) Good night (3577) Bad night (923)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16918) Bad night (1635)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (9571) Bad night (1523)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

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  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (5120) Bad night (1170)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

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  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (5526) Bad night (1073)
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  (310): View more from California

  If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

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  (310): If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place http://tfl.nu/skdk
  Replies (11) Good night (1880) Bad night (706)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.

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  (708): There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed. http://tfl.nu/mzmz
  Replies (3) Good night (1280) Bad night (620)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.

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  (330): This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs. http://tfl.nu/3hwl
  Replies (5) Good night (2185) Bad night (753)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.

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  (405): There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation. http://tfl.nu/8ogi
  Replies (9) Good night (1125) Bad night (760)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.

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  (647): So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers. http://tfl.nu/zbe6
  Replies (2) Good night (1037) Bad night (493)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk

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  (304): I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk http://tfl.nu/ufvz
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (273)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.

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  (515): She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you. http://tfl.nu/4e5h
  Replies (1) Good night (616) Bad night (289)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.

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  (720): You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night. http://tfl.nu/h9pj
  Replies (0) Good night (500) Bad night (224)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.

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  (602): I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed. http://tfl.nu/nmqx
  Replies (0) Good night (328) Bad night (128)

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