Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.