I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.