we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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