She's JV to your varsity
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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