Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
