What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
