Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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