You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
