Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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