he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
