Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
