Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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