I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
